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Well here we go again Billy no mates has found himself in Egypt. Why the fuck are you in Egypt I hear you cry, So here I was in London looking forward to hitting Florida then an occurance more rare than not being accosted on Hampsted Heath by a screaming iron. SNOW. Now then if you live anywhere other than the UK that gets snow in, wait for it !!!!! WINTER then you will piss yourself to find that on Monday 6th February 2009 the United Kingdom was closed for business. No buses, No tube, No trains and wait for it No Grit to keep the roads open.
Any way I digress, Having to clear the snow from Earls Court to get two shows open I missed my slot to go to Florida. Where the fuck should I go now, Ding lightbulb comes on and I have never been to the Red Sea so here I am. Day one and the temptation to rent a crotch rocket and head up to the mountains I can see from my balcony is starting to overwhelm me so I may try to find one to rent, this is of course dependant on someone speaking English not Russian.
When I booked this last minute deal I thought I was booking a hotel in Sharm El Sheik instead I am in a resort the size of a small country and the national language is, you got it Russian the reason being all the mini mafia types and their enterage of dim witted bimbos seem to winter here, so these people are tipping the staff a years wages at a time so Barber not being half as dumb as he it stupid looking is now only speaking Russian otherwise I would not get served.
As I am having a chill out week I have decided that although I am on an all inclusive deal I am going to have a detox week, no tea, coffee or alcohol and eating fruit during the day and the mere fact that the restaurant is five mile walk away I should return to blighty a slimmer, healthier gimp.
A STARK WARNING
The need to ride got the better off me so today I rented an Africa Twin and ventured forth. Now I consider myself to be a very experienced rider and have had some great tank slapping, tyre shredding rides with Jon and the crew in varius countries and have ended the day saying fuck that was a great ride.
Egyptian drivers are the biggest bunch of skull fucked, blind moronic tossers I have ever witnessed. I would liken todays ride on a danger scale to that of crawling on all fours in a tarmac coloured jump suit through rush hour traffic in Paris. The roads are great, wide, no potholes but having escaped death five times today I have thrown in the towel and returned the bike. Now I understand why the inurance was three times the cost of the rental. I am not moving from the pool for the rest of the week.
If anyone dropping in on this is thinking about having a break here then a word of advice, take the all inclusive option, if not you will pay £20.00 for a burger and £8.00 for a local beer. While the all inclusive gets you three meals a day I would think you would get better in prison, but it is the cheaper option in the long run. Also bring lots of Immodiam plus as not of the hot food is even luke warm, perfect conditions for the shits.